So, my Grandpa passed away on Wednesday. There was a tumor the size of a football inside him and the doctors just couldn’t get it all out, that and it had progressed too far already for them to do much. My parents went down to be with my family in Florida. I prayed like mad that week, prayed that he would make it, that God would strengthen him to make it, to get better and recover. All things are possible through God right? We get what we pray for. Everyone down there seemed determined that there was nothing to be done, that he just had to let go and die. WHY? He could have made it! Just give him a chance! Have hope! Pray! My family is not very faith-filled sadly. I talked to my Grandma and when both her and my mom started saying how they just wanted him to let go, I felt so torn. WHY? He could make it! Just give him a chance! Have some faith! But I couldn’t help wondering if I was just being insanely selfish in wishing for him to recover and be healed. Is it really so wrong? I want to be able to see him again, to talk to him, to say how sorry I was for not really getting to know him, so many things … I just did want him to go. Was it selfish of me to beg God for that which is his? I …just … I don’t know. It’s over now, I let go, he is dead. I wasn’t there for any of it, so it really doesn’t feel quite real yet. I only cried maybe once or twice. I wanted to scream at them to have faith in him, in God that He is able to help and heal. But being the coward I am I could never speak those words to them. Was I wrong? Right? I may never know…does it even matter now? Sigh. Rest in peace Grandpa, go and please be with God now.

Amen